New Beginnings

I’m so excited about another New Year.  Why? Because I’m here to enjoy the ups and the downs, the struggles and the victories, the new and the old.  For so many years, I lived in the future….totally missing the present.  Of course I noticed when something great was happening but to see the miracle of every day was dimmed by looking forward.

There is nothing wrong with dreaming, planning or shooting for future goals UNLESS they take precedence over enjoying the blessings of today.   When my children were small, it was an easy task for me to live in the present moment.  I didn’t dream of them going to school or leaving the nest because I loved having them at home.  I’m embarrassed to admit I cried when they began kindergarten through college because they would not be nearby.  It seemed back then, I was so much better about living in the moment yet this may also be when dreaming of the future took over. Looking forward to every visit or phone call became a goal for me.   I was living for the next time I heard from one of them and when it didn’t happen as quickly as I felt it should, I became upset, angry and worried because I was sure they needed me.  It was an exhausting time.  Looking back, I’m not sure how I or my marriage survived.  The whole scenario was so unhealthy!

Due to circumstances out of my control, in 2014 life threw me a curve.  No longer was my focus on my children, it was on survival, loving my wonderful husband and living in the moment.  It was the beginning of 15 months of concentrating on the goodness of life. Everything became clear for the first time in a long time. My perspective continued to evolve throughout 2015 when I finally realized I was not God.  Surprised?  I was! LOL!

Not only did I believe I was responsible for everything that happened in my children’s lives but I was also trying to fix everything for my husband too! I believed it was my responsibility to fix everything that went wrong.  As their struggles grew, my perceived responsibilities grew and they were much bigger than any human could handle.  Why?  Because I believed they needed rescued from life and it was my job to be their ‘savior’.  Trust me, this is not how God ever intended for His kids to live.  I was making my own prison, growing more unhappy by the day because I no longer could ‘fix’ everything or trust God to handle it.  Then it happened! Although God did not send cancer to rock our world He sure used it to wake me up to see how blessed my life really was and how out of control I had become. 

So here we are in 2016 looking forward to whatever lies ahead.  Do I have dreams for the future?  Sure nothing wrong with that as long as I realize Who’s leading the adventure.  I can enjoy the moments of today & be at peace because I know He will be there no matter what lies ahead for all my family.  I wish for you this wonderful peace I have found.  Happy 2016!


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